Results from Mammogram

Hi All! 

Another update!  I got a mammogram was kind of disappointed by the results.  My oncologist said she could no longer feel Lenny but when the mammo came back, it said that Lenny had shrunk but only from his original 3.7x5.4cm to 3.2x4.9cm.  So I was kind of disappointed.  But in meeting with my doc, she showed me the actual scans, and while Lenny isn't going down in size, he has definitely broken up!  The original scan was a solid white mass.  The latest showed what looked kind of like a glaxacy in space and was not obviously a mass.  So happy!  

But, that leads me to the next decision made, finally - man did I go back and forth on this.  But because Lenny is still pretty big, a lumpectomy is kind of out of the question.  Which is okay, as I had basically made up my mind for the bi-lateral mastectomy.  I have dense breast tissue, and would be going in every six months for a mammogram.  EVERY little thing would be checked out, so basically I would relive this period every six months for a least a while.  And because of the size of Lenny, the risk of recurrence is higher and I just don't want to do this again if I don't have to.  So some time in August I will be undergoing a major surgery.  But it's the right choice.  

UPDATE - At last!

Hi All!  

Sorry it's been so long since my last update!    Finished my last round of the AC combination on Thursday.  I walked a 5k in Willow Glen (1/2 a mile from my house) in celebration.   

I still have 4 rounds of Taxol which starts on the 26th.  Supposedly that is easier, but It also depends on the person, so I guess I'll find out. 

Round 3 was really tough on me, but I think the problem may have been that I did not drink enough water.  It's so important to flush this stuff out of the system with lots of water.  This time I'm drinking 100 oz a day.  Monday through Wednesday will be the big indicator of how I do, but I feel better now than I did 2 weeks ago at this point. 

I'm so lucky to have such amazing friends and family.  Anna is down every treatment and is here to care for me.  I did something so right with that girl.  I could not be more loved.  

Wish me luck this week!  And I'm half way done with Chemo!!  YAY!  

I have a mammogram on the 23rd to confirm that Lenny has shrunk as much as we think he has.  My oncologist is extremely pleased at the reduction.  If he has, then it'll be about 4 weeks off, a lumpectomy, and then radiation for 5.5 weeks - DAILY.  Yuck.  That's going to be a feat, but we'll manage.  

Thanks everyone for your support!  Love to all! 

Round 2 in da books!

Round 2 is done, and a week has passed.  It wasn't as bad as the first one honestly.  I had two days where I was very tired (Monday and Wednesday - I was fine Tuesday - go figure).  I did  not lose my sense of taste, which was both good and bad.  Good for the obvious, bad because it meant that everything still tasted good, and when I get sick and miserable, I eat.  I have some catch up work to do. 

I'm half way through this portion of the treatment.  I decided to sign up for our local 5k (literally less than 1/2 a mile from my house to the starting line) on May 14th which should be right after my last round of these drugs.  I'll walk it, but I'm looking forward to flipping off Lenny!  

The Prayers are working!

I went in for appointment with my Oncologist and she wanted to check out Lenny.  She said he's down 10-15%!!  And my bloodwork was spot on - so I recovered well.   

Hair loss happens at about 14 days, and I was losing handfuls of hair.  I decided I wanted to be the reason I lost my hair, so I chopped it all of (it's about 1/4 of an inch) and will be wearing wigs, hats, etc.  It was kind of freeing.  Showering was nothing.  So happy to be able to be in and out in 5 minutes and not have to worry about anything.  I wore the wig out for my first outing - need to do something with the bangs - not sure what.  But I did learn to just let the hair go and not fuss with it.  It looks pretty natural.  

The Fog Has Lifted

Yesterday was tough.  I was weak even taking the trash cans to the curb and they have wheels!!  I hate feeling like that!  But I slept very well last night and I'm wide awake and ready to go today!

One of the side effects of chemo is that it can make food taste different, and for the last two days coffee tasted like sawdust.  As I love my morning cup of joe, that was sad for me.  But today it tastes amazing.  Just like it's supposed to.  Seriously, if I have 2 days of feeling punky every two weeks, I'm perfectly fine with that.  I'll rest and let the chemo ninjas do their job on Lenny, and then when I'm feeling full of piss and vinegar, like I do right now, I'll get back to working out and eating well to keep my body in prime condition to help the chemo ninjas.  

This is definitely a journey, and I'm interested in seeing out the patterns develop.  

The odd thing is that there are definite perks to having cancer.  One is that you realize how loved you are.  I think we tend to go through life with blinders on, not paying attention to those around us, really.  When you go through this, you realize that so many people have your back in varied and incredibly wonderful ways.  I love that.  

There is a phrase on the breast cancer forums - "I'll be in your pocket" - meaning that whenever you're going through something scary, bad, sad, or just something that makes you nervous, I'll be thinking of you and will be "in your pocket" close to your heart, lending you my support.  I have a lot of pocket pals.  And if you ever need me to return that favor, I'm there.   

LOVE to you all!  

A New Experience

Well, today has brought a change in the way I taste things.  My mouth feels as if it has a film over it and everything tastes like sawdust.  I'm hungry, but nothing tastes good.  It's an interesting experience for someone who has never met a food she doesn't like.  

I've been tracking my calories on My Fitness Pal, mainly because I want to make sure I'm eating decently, but also because I have to keep up my calories.  I've done a 180.  It used to be that I had to track so I didn't overeat (and I still managed to do so anyway).  

I have to remember that this is a GOOD thing - it means chemo is working.  I just have to remember that once I'm through this and get my taste back, eating ALL things is not a good idea, no matter how tempting.  :p  

No real new news to report

I've discovered I'm one of the lucky ones when it comes to nausea.  I get some indigestion, but that's about it.  I'm not hungry (which is extremely unusual for me - I have never met a meal I couldn't eat), but I'm making myself eat.  I've been living on broccoli cheddar soup - Panera, Safeway and homemade - doesn't matter - I want it all.  And that's about the only thing I truly want. 

I did make the mistake of adding spice to some red beans and rice.  I'm the gal who can eat HOT!  I impressed a bunch of people in India when I ate a serrano pepper raw to stop them from making my food mild.  I figured a wee bit of Frank's would be nothing.  Ha!!  Yeah, that did not work.  Oh well, live and learn.  :)

I'm still doing well energy-wise.  But chemo is cumulative, so I'll see how I feel after a few rounds.  Plus I'm switching meds after 4 rounds, so I may react to that one 100% differently.  Again, we'll see.  But for now, I'm okay.  I still have my hair, but I'm told that I'll lose that around the time of my second dose.  Fun times.  I'm a bit vain about my hair, and thought about cold cap therapy, but I think I'd be more stressed about that then just losing the damned stuff and being done with it.  I have lots of hats sent by so many wonderful friends!  

So Far So Good!

So far so good!  I woke up at 4AM with a happy tummy and managed to talk myself into having symptoms.  It's funny how the brain operates at 4AM.  I woke up with a happy stomach, and convinced myself that I could not feel well, so I have to be sick, so I felt sick.  I finally told myself I was stupid, go back to sleep and I managed it.  

I managed a workout and a 1.5 mile dog walk.  So that was good.  Not too hungry, but I'm downing a protein shake.  We'll see how that sits.  I'm supposed to get the bulk of the symptoms tomorrow but as I'm on a dense dose regimen (more chemo than normal) I may feel it today.  We'll see.  Fingers crossed!  

I have a couple of cases of chemo hiccups, but those make me drink water, so that's okay.  

Lenny and the Chemo Ninjas

Today, Lenny gets to meet the Chemo Ninjas!  I'm a bit nervous.  But so far so good.  Got here, got a fun little bracelet, and now I'm sitting with Anna in a comfy chair with some anti-nausea drugs being pumping into me.  


The port is interesting.  I kind of feel like I've had a plug inserted.  No numbing agents (although I was offered ice), and it was a very small prick and boom, I'm plugged into the ninja machine.   Although the port does go into a vein in my neck and I can feel that.  While I know the port is the only way to go for this, it still skeeves me for some reason.  :p 
The nurse went over what to expect  - about 30 minutes of anti-nausea drugs then a slow plunge of Adriamycin (takes about 5 minutes) then an hour for the Cytoxan.   So basically once I'm plugged in, it's boring.  But at least I can work - email and stuff - and play around on my computer.  
I'm so happy Anna is here.  I've been blessed with an amazing daughter.  

How Lenny Got His Name

The story is pretty short, but the aftereffects are more far reaching, so I thought I'd share.  I was talking to my friend Melissa Mann, who lives close to me and has seen other of her friends go down this road.  We were talking about how scary the diagnosis is and where the mind goes.  We then talked about it being one BIG lump and she asks, "Should we name it Lenny?"  And thus Lenny the Lump was born.

I actually find it comforting to view him as Lenny the Lump and not a part of my body that has morphed into something that could potentially kill me.  I even joke around about how my port is a gateway for little chemo ninja's to go do battle with the lousy house guest and force him into a smaller space so that we can kick his ass out of me.  Silly, but it works for me.  So, I'll go with it.

How Lenny the Lump came to be

Lenny the Lump is a tumor who lives in my right boob.  This is my story about him and what having him means to me.  Every diagnosis is different, every woman is different, so this story is mine and mine alone. 

Lenny decided in make himself known while I was on the phone with my dad. Lenny is kind of big guy, so my first thought was, "WTF?" Then it went downhill from there. I admit to creating my will and thinking about homes for my menagerie.  It's scary thinking about what this all means. 

SO many appointments! I have a surgeon, a breast cancer nurse, an oncologist and a chemo nurse. I've had a mammogram, biopsy (the good thing about Lenny's size is that it made it easy to get samples with aspiration instead of more invasive techniques), Armpit Ultrasound, a Chest XRay that showed a spot on my lung (I used to smoke) so I had a CT Scan. Lung was fine, but I have a thickening in my spine, so a PET Scan was ordered. Nada except Lenny, so that was good news. I had a port installed last Thursday. I also had an EKG, but I need to schedule the echo cardiogram. I'll try to fit that in next week as it appears that I have no appointments next week - can't have that, can we? :p

I'm a glass half full gal, so while I seem irreverent at all of this, I'm actually fully informed and have researched every aspect. I am nervous about starting chemo, but I like to say that the chemo ninjas will shrink Lenny enough so we can kick him out.

I thought about the cool cap therapy, but decided I'd be too stressed wondering if would actually work, so I decided to just let it go and shave my head when the hair starts falling out. I bought a wig and some fun scarves and hats.

I need to go to the store tonight to pick up chemo supplies. My doc told me to go light but there are things I want. My daughter lives about 90 minutes away (she's 23) and will be down tomorrow night to sit with me through my first session and to stay through the weekend. If I need something I don't have, I can make her run and get it.